oooph, reflex grasp of heart. The jailor concept is all too familiar to anyone who cares for loved ones with cognitive impairment, especially at sundown. It's not necessarily people but also literal cognitive imprisonment. I truly feel the angst from here. At the same time, dare I say, that your Mum is comfortable enough to complain - you've afforded her the space, comfort and freedom to think she can manage on her own, even if she can't. A comfortable delusion is a form of luxurious care. We are frantically paddling underwater whilst appearing calm above, making things look effortless enables work for their peace. You're doing amazing things which cannot be articulated, recognised in the 'usual' way...I see you, you deserve your own space, time and recuperation too!
Thank you for these words. Your perspective calms my heart and offers a kinder way for me to see how I am in this situation. There is so much self-questioning and your reply reminds me I am one of too many people in the same spot and we need to go gentle with ourselves. Thank you 🙏🏼
I hear you - as does, me, myself & I ;-) I think we have our own Dr Dolilttle 'Push me-Pull you' animals or perhaps a herd of them.
If you're like me, our inner-critic loves to rule the roost, taking pleasure in our inability to be perfect - that's their job description! I find that Love's expectations as a Caregiver are high up on that pedestal; aspirations, not realistic goals. Love sets that standard and our perfect human, imperfections can't meet them!
Recalibrating self-expectations is a continuous mindful exercise - to stay sane & healthy! That in itself isn't easy. Being enough, in the present moment is all we can really do I think. So, I try to focus on the small, aligned moments of joy - silly infectious laughter, or try to do my best at the first task in front of me. The rest is one task at a time. It translates to less material for the inner critic to digest, and an easier way to muffle the monologue.
oooph, reflex grasp of heart. The jailor concept is all too familiar to anyone who cares for loved ones with cognitive impairment, especially at sundown. It's not necessarily people but also literal cognitive imprisonment. I truly feel the angst from here. At the same time, dare I say, that your Mum is comfortable enough to complain - you've afforded her the space, comfort and freedom to think she can manage on her own, even if she can't. A comfortable delusion is a form of luxurious care. We are frantically paddling underwater whilst appearing calm above, making things look effortless enables work for their peace. You're doing amazing things which cannot be articulated, recognised in the 'usual' way...I see you, you deserve your own space, time and recuperation too!
Thank you for these words. Your perspective calms my heart and offers a kinder way for me to see how I am in this situation. There is so much self-questioning and your reply reminds me I am one of too many people in the same spot and we need to go gentle with ourselves. Thank you 🙏🏼
I hear you - as does, me, myself & I ;-) I think we have our own Dr Dolilttle 'Push me-Pull you' animals or perhaps a herd of them.
If you're like me, our inner-critic loves to rule the roost, taking pleasure in our inability to be perfect - that's their job description! I find that Love's expectations as a Caregiver are high up on that pedestal; aspirations, not realistic goals. Love sets that standard and our perfect human, imperfections can't meet them!
Recalibrating self-expectations is a continuous mindful exercise - to stay sane & healthy! That in itself isn't easy. Being enough, in the present moment is all we can really do I think. So, I try to focus on the small, aligned moments of joy - silly infectious laughter, or try to do my best at the first task in front of me. The rest is one task at a time. It translates to less material for the inner critic to digest, and an easier way to muffle the monologue.
🙏🏼
Hugs from Oz xx <3
Looking forward to collecting that in person soon, Mel!! 💗
Yes!! Cant' wait to see you and give you a big hug!! <3
Happy birthday! It is today, isn't it (or rather yesterday, now, technically)?
A whole new year of adventure, change, dreams, and delights awaits.
Thanks, Lisa. A whole new year indeed.